It's a question I ask all my new clients.
Jake didn't need time to ponder. "I won't have this problem, my porn habit, weighing me down. I'll be able to focus on other things in my life without worrying when the obsessions are going to return with a vengeance and eclipse everything important to me."
What will that be like for you?
"Oh, a tremendous relief. I will know that my hopes and efforts weren't in vain. I have to admit, with how much I've struggled, I've started wondering whether it's a dream that will never come true."
What will that mean to you? To feel that relief? To know you've made it?
"Oh..." Jacob's face reddened and his voice faltered. "That would mean everything to me. It feels like this is the main thing holding me back from the life I want. I have a wonderful wife, a new daughter, a job I like... It would finally feel like I'm living the life I want, complete and free with this cleaned up. I wouldn't have this burden, this recurring failure, holding me back and pressing me down."
I always know we're getting somewhere when folks talk about burdens lifting, murkiness clearing, being able to breathe more easily. Things are brighter, lighter, and there's plenty of oxygen. Life is good!
It would be huge for you.
"It would mean everything to me. For the first time in my adult life, I could count on my mind being under my own control."
If there were a price tag on this future you're envisioning, how much would you be willing to pay to have it?
"It would be priceless. There's limit to what I would pay."
If I were to travel into the future, follow you around for a day, videotape everything, then come back and push play right now, what would we see on-screen?
"Me living with self-respect and confidence."
How could we tell that's what you feel inside? What would we see on-screen?
"I'd be looking the people I care about in the eye. You'd see my wife smiling instead of looking tense. I'd be involved, working side-by-side with people instead of withdrawing back to my own cubicle in hopes that they won't notice that I have this dark side. I'd look at ease and have a smile on my face when I went to bed at night."
Bingo. Jake's individuality and personalized vision for the future is really sinking in for me. He's not just one more client struggling with the same problem I work on with most of my other clients. I'm starting to feel hopeful for his future and excited about helping him get there. I'm eager for that future moment when Jake and I will look back and celebrate his progress and freedom. His success!
It's absolutely crucial to build a clear, personalized vision of a porn-free future. If we don't know exactly where we're going, we reduce our chances of getting there.
Feel free to go back and read the italicized bold questions above, as though they were directed at you.
Write out your answers.
Then, take two or three of the most inspiring tidbits and use them as a part of your Cue Mastery practice. Keep practicing that exercise as directed there. Each repetition is building within your brain a ready route, an escape hatch of sorts, for those key times when you feel drawn by either the euphoria or the inertia of your addiction.
Hang in there! You deserve that better future, the one you can almost taste! You're not expecting it to fall into your lap; you're learning and working and even searching online for solutions. You may not feel sure of it yet, but I'm confident because I've seen hundreds of people find freedom: the path you're on now is the one that will take you there!
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