He Sees Now the Damage from Porn

"Sure, I really should kick my porn habit. But it isn't that big a deal, it's not doing that much damage."

That was Julian's attitude throughout the first seven years of his marriage.

But then his wife, Valerie, got fed up and they separated.

Three and a half months later, three and a half months alone, Julian had an entirely different take on the effect of porn on Valerie and on their relationship. Together we made a list of the negative consequences of porn:

• Decreased the trust she had in me
• Fed an incredible sense of loneliness in her
• Impaired our bond as a couple
• Decreased the sense of connection we felt
• Hampered my spirituality
• Interfered with our friendship
• Diminished her attraction to me
• Diminished my attraction to her
• Decreased the romantic feelings between us
• Fostered my selfishness
• Diminished our hope for the relationship and our future
• Got in the way of my ability to be present
• Led me to lie (for example, told her I was working on it when I wasn't)
• Our ability to have and work for common goals fell apart
• Worsened her body image
• Fostered her depression and anxiety
• Traumatized her
• Diminished her trust in the entire male gender
• She couldn't turn to me as a spiritual support or leader in the home
• Attacked her faith
• Harsh communication increased (I was more irritable)
• We fought more
• Eventually led to a desire to separate
• Led to unrealistic expectations for a relationship
• Decreased my ability to experience gratitude, appreciate awesome things about her
• Got in the way of me being authentic

Can you relate to the damages Julian listed? As you consider your own experience and that of your partner's, are there any items you would add to this list?