How to Neutralize the Urge to View Porn

Try breathing and noticing.

It doesn't always work (dang it), but it's a good weapon to have in your arsenal for when you're ambushed by temptation.

Whenever I teach about methods to use in the heat of the moment here on this blog, in a podcast, or in person with clients, "breathing and noticing" is the method that I always get the most positive feedback on.

(I take that back. People have the most success with a method that's not from the realm of psychology. It's a spiritual tactic: the surrender prayer. Surrendering your obsession or desire to your Higher Power. Most people don't learn that one from me, they learn it in their twelve-step group. But I will certainly suggest it to clients if they're religious at all but don't attend twelve-step meetings.)

Of all of the psychological methods I teach people, people seem to get the most mileage out of this simple mindfulness exercise, breathing and noticing:

Feel an urge? Take a nice, full breath. As you exhale notice something you can see. Pick one point in your entire visual field: right where the wire meets the telephone pole outside your window. Notice exactly what it looks like this very second. What color is it? Is it lighter or darker than what's around it? Okay, take another nice, full breath. Close your eyes and notice something you can hear. What, exactly does it sound like at this very second? High or low pitched? Constant or discrete? Is it a steady or undulating sound? That's good. Now breathe and rub lightly on some surface with your forefingers of your dominant hand. Touch your sleeve or the armrest of your chair. Notice its texture as if you were touching it for the first time.

Good! It's taken you less than a minute to try it out. Repeat the process one more time for good measure.

It may not seem like you just meditated, but breathing and noticing is actually is a simple mindfulness exercise. More and more research is demonstrating that mindfulness can be a valuable aid in recovery from addiction.

But why? It's such a simple process! How does it work? Why does it help?

The processing capacities of the human brains is limited. It is decent at multi-tasking, but sometimes must select between two thoughts.

As the brain selects where to devote attention, all possible topics are not treated equally; our brains are biased. Thought content with the highest emotional salience is high in the pecking order. That's why addictive urges sometimes win out over the spreadsheet I should be creating or even thoughts about how much I love my family.

However, there's something that the brain knows is an even higher priority than an emotionally charged memory or future opportunity. The brain operates according to what neuroscientists have dubbed the "Reality First Principle." This means that "what's real now" gets highest priority.

Nervous system avenues can only handle so much traffic, and when we're focused on something that's real now it's as though the traffic cop in the brain holds up her palm to that plan about how we could pursue sex right now or that memory of a sexual experience we've had before. She says, "The avenue of consciousness is in use right now with traffic more important than you. It's busy with what's happening right now, which I always give the right of way."

Here's the cool part: What's real now may just be a the sight little old telephone wire or the feel of a sweater sleeve--something emotionally neutral or even boring. Nonetheless, the mind doesn't really have a choice, the brain's reality first principle holds true. Surprisingly, these little here-and-now sensations hold more sway than an emotionally intense fantasy or image.

Obviously, we can't focus on the telephone wire forever, but sometimes just a minute or two of breathing and noticing is enough to break the trance of craving, to detour the mind from the insanity of euphoric recall and lust.

At other times it's not enough, and it doesn't work...

But isn't it worth a try?